What do you think of "adoption day" celebrations?

Question

I didn't know until recently that it's become a trend to celebrate "adoption day", or "gotcha day". What do you think about celebrating the day someone was adopted?

Answer 1

Hi Query Weary,



Whoever started "Gotcha" you can be certain they were not an adoptee. It refers to the nickname some adoptive parents call the day they "got" their adopted children. They celebrate it anually by doing things with the children. Other adoptive parents call that day "adoption day." Still others, do not celebrate that day at all.



The term “Gotcha Day” seems to have been coined recently, with the first International Gotcha Day having been celebrated September 15, 2005, declared so by Margaret Schwartz. Yet the term has already “become thoroughly entrenched in adoption-speak,” writes Karen Moline, author of "Get Rid of Gotcha." She goes on to say "I find the use of "gotcha" to describe the act of adoption both astonishing and offensive. Aside from being parent-centered ("C'mere, little orphan, I gotcha now!") it smacks of acquiring a possession, not welcoming a new person into your life."



Anybody seriously interested in knowing more about Gotcha Day and the connotations of it should read her full article http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?aid=1266



Some adoptive parents say the phrase is cute and endearing – a “warmer, friendlier” version of “adoption day.” Those who dislike “Gotcha Day” call it “crude, ill-mannered, inappropriate and cheap” – “insufficient for expressing the importance of a child’s homecoming.”



Most adoptees, myself included, find the term offensive. Thank goodness it wasn't around when we were growing up. I believe the wishes of the adoptee should be considered before adoptive parents decide to call it "gotcha day," if indeed they feel the need to celebrate that day at all, since that day also represents a loss to the adoptee.



Thanks for asking. Hope this link is informative.



julie j

Answer 2

Well, you're question has taken an interesting twist. Seems as though most people have a problem with the term Gotcha Day -- not the concept itself.



So, let me first answer your question directly and then address the ensuing controversy.



I think Gotcha Day celebrations are great. It was a big event in a family for an adoption to occur. If it was a foreign adoption then it might have been a long time in coming. When we celebrate our daughter's Gotcha Day, it was a big extended event the first year to celebrate the anniversary of the event. Since then, we have only celebrated as a family unit. I think that's the appropriate way it should be celebrated.



Now -- as for the name... does it really matter what it is called? I mean come on, folks? Was there a huge discussion as to why Kawanza is called that? Was there a huge controversy over Labor Day or Memorial Day or Valentines Day or Washingtons Birthday? It's just a freaking name. Celebrate the event. Call it whatever you want to call it. Just let the adoptive child know they were wanted very much to be a part of the new family unit.

Answer 3

I don't know why, but I just don't like the idea. There is kind of a feeling that one is overcompensating or something. Yes, adoption is a wonderful thing and thankfully we have moved beyond having to be embarrassed about it as in the past. But a special day? It just seems a bit much to me. So, much of parenting today is just plain overkill and indulgent. There is already a day to celebrate the arrival of one's child and it is called a BIRTHDAY. I am an adoptee and I think growing up this would have been a bit embarassing. Because while I never thought I was less special for having been adopted neither did I want to give the message to my peers that I was more special either. Just some thoughts.

Answer 4

As an adoptee - I can't stand 'gotcha day' - ICK.

I also don't really like the thought of celebrating - when the day can have so much sadness surrounding it for the child.

If the child was perhaps an older foster child - they may wish to celebrate it.

It should be up to the child.

All in all - I think it's a little insensitive to the adoptee - to celebrate the severing of ties with the bio fam.

Just my honest opinion.

Answer 5

I think Adoption Day or Forever Family Day is personal, and depending on how educated adoptive familes are on adoption language can make a huge difference. Our daughter's finalization occured Christmas Eve morning in the courthouse. We felt blessed that we had family in town for the celebration. Christmas Eve will always be even more special now for us, however, we will celebrate our daughter each and every day, not just on her birthday, or Christmas Eve.



I too agree the "gotcha day" has to be tossed out the window!!!

Answer 6

We celebrated on the day we adopted, but have no plans to make it an annual celebration. We know our sons' birthdays and only intend to celebrate those days.



However, every family has their own traditions. If they want to add this to their list of celebrated days, that is their business. Perhaps they feel this will make the child feel more special and loved. I.e. "We celebrate this day because it is the day we chose to become your parents".



I would agree with others, "Gotcha" sounds a little odd. I would never personally refer to this as a "Gotcha" day... it implied the children were caught, like a fish.

Answer 7

I too find the phrase "gotcha day" repulsive. It sounds like the adoptee is either a possession or the butt of a joke.



I think the deciding factor for me would be how the day is celebrated and how the child reacts. My family observed our adoption days a time or two when we were little. It was just their way of saying "We're glad to have you in our family." But some of the "celebrations" I've seen and heard of make me cringe because the children whose day was supposedly being celebrated looked so uncomfortable and unhappy.



If a'parents do this, they should be very sensitive to what the child's feelings are about it--and they need to be able to see beneath the surface, below the feelings the kid displays. It would be very easy for the child to get the idea that A) His/her adoption loss is the thing being celebrated and/or B) S/he is being subtly told to be grateful, by which I mean more grateful than natural children are, for his or her home and family.



I guess I mean I don't think the a'parents' urge to celebrate this day is wrong, just that they need to realize what they may be stirring up in doing so. They should keep in mind that the child's feelings about adoption are always are more important than theirs and always get first consideration.

Answer 8

Personally, I hate the term "gotcha day". I associate the word "gotcha" with an object not a person. Parents that say the got a child are reducing them to a posiession instead of a human being. I can understand that adoptive families want to celebrate the day the became a family, but why not celebrate a "family day". My parents celebrated this, it could be any old day and we would just be happy knowing we are part of a family. I mean I got gifts and stuff, but they never celebrated a "gotcha day".

Answer 9

Not an adoptive parent nor an adoptee so my answer does not come with credentials. I am a parent and answer as such. If I were an adoptive parent, I would awake on adoption day with a thanksgiving prayer in my heart for my family and fall asleep that night thanking God that I had the strength not to make MY special day a special day for my child.



For kids their birthday is THE day of the year. Why spoil that?



"Gotcha Day"? There are just no words. I could not imagine a greater insult to my child's parents.

Answer 10

It doesn't float MY boat, so to speak. As an adopted person, I would not have wanted a day that singled me out as adopted, particularly since my aparents also had a natural son. Although it does not symbolize the day I lost my natural family since I was relinquished at 13 months and then spent 7 months in foster homes before being placed in a PAP's home, I still feel it would have signified the difference in my family member status rather than accentuate the idea that I was a normal member of the family.



As far as "gotcha day" -- that term is just degrading and revolting.

Answer 11

It's been explained to me that "gotcha" is what people say when they swat a fly. Why would anyone use that term to refer to their own child? We know some families who celebrate their child's adoption on that day every year, but most don't. Once the child is part of the family, they have a birthday celebration just like anyone else.

Answer 12

If the child is ok with it, then fine. But personally, I think it would've made me feel like a weirdo or something. I didn't want anything out of the ordinary growing up. With an "adoption day" celebration, you might as well put a big banner out that says "my kid is different and we're ok with that."



With my own family, no one ever remembered the day except my father. Every year he'd just get me alone and say "do you know what today is? this time X years ago, we were standing at kennedy airport waiting to meet you. we were so excited and nervous! thank you for coming into our lives. we love you and are so thankful you're a part of our family."



That would be it - no balloons, no party but that was perfectly fine with me!! I didn't WANT or need that.

Answer 13

I think adoption day is weird and strange. As a child, I just wanted to be normal...having a Gotcha Day celebration would have made me stand out as different and highlighted that fact--with balloons and a cake--for everyone else.

Answer 14

My parents never celebrated the days my brothers were adopted. It just wasn't something we even thought about as we grew up. I'm not even sure exactly what day it was. Actually, since my brothers were placed with us BEFORE the official finalization took place, I'm not sure what day you would celebrate as an adoption day. Would it be the day they came home, or the day the judge signed the paper?



However, I did learn as I grew up about others celebrating adoption days, or gotcha days. I don't think Gotcha makes the person into an object because it stands for "Got You" and you rarely call a TV or stereo "you". That pronoun is usually reserved for people. However, it is a little sinister in that it reminds me of someone jumping out of a closet and grabbing you.



I think the celebration of an adoption day ought to be up to the adoptee. In cases where the adopted child is an infant, I don't really see any reason to celebrate it (so long as you know the actual birthday) because it won't have any special significance to the child. However, and a child adopted when he/she is older may well appreciate this "second birthday" as a celebration of when he/she was given a family rather than when he/she was unceremoniously dumped into the air.

Answer 15

My adoptive parents did not celebrate the day. I'm very glad they didn't. I think another reminder of some difference between me and other children (including my aparents' bio kids) would have been really tough to take.



Calling it "gotcha day" would have been even worse.

Answer 16

I have a son adopted from Guatemala. We do not celebrate "gotcha day" though many of our fellow friends who have adopted do. I just never really thought it was THE DAY to celebrate. The child's birthday should be the day to celebrate...that's when his/her life began...not when he/she came to live in my home. My son had 3 years of life before he ever stepped foot in my house. I want to celebrate those years as well.



We made a big celebration on my son's last birthday...but we never even acknowledged the actual day he came to live with us. I don't fault those who do celebrate "gotcha days". I just don't feel that it is a day that I want to celebrate with my son. That day was a day of loss to him as much as it was of joy for me. I'd rather celebrate his BIRTH day.....that was a day of joy for all.

Answer 17

i think of a small kin acknowledgment of the date the new child grow to be accompanied may be acceptable if the social gathering is truthfully significant to the new child. to illustrate, a new child who bounced around the foster device waiting for a kin, or a new child who grow to be in an orphanage till college-age. rather, a new child who grow to be sufficiently previous on the time of the adoption to bear in mind it, and to have reliable thoughts approximately having the social gathering marked. i do no longer think of a school social gathering is acceptable. it quite is a time for kin, no longer the full planet. i do no longer think of the term "Gotcha Day" is acceptable. It makes the new child sound like an merchandise, and makes a speciality of the movements and thoughts of the determine fairly than of the new child or the kin as an entire. I desire some thing greater like "kin Day." i do no longer think of this kind of social gathering is needed for a new child accompanied as an toddler or toddler, who does not remember the adoption as a significant journey in itself with a particular date that desires to be marked. a new child who does not consciously be attentive to the different difficulty does not connect the comparable which skill to the day he/she grow to be accompanied, because of the fact he/she wasn't an energetic participant on the time. If the new child later needs a social gathering, it quite is nice, yet i do no longer think of that could desire to be assumed, because it could make a new child who has lived with you for all of his/her wakeful reminiscence sense excluded from the kin or awkward. I do think of a few babies (especially people who have been in foster care or a company till an older age) income from the kin celebrating and acknowledging their place and arrival. yet i do no longer think of it quite is acceptable in all circumstances, and that i do no longer think of faculty is ever the region for it. If it occurs, it quite is going to be at homestead.

Answer 18

I also don't mind the term "Adoption Day" though I find "Gotcha" to be just plain creepy. I imagine people with big nets chasing and trapping little children every time I hear the term- GOTCHA! Yick.



I wish my family had celebrated our Adoption Days. I think it actually feels like an appropriate thing to do. I wouldn't have minded that at all.



ETA: Since it is obvious that many adoptees here have different views on this maybe it should be up to the ADOPTEE whether "Adoption Day" is celebrated. jUst a thought.

Answer 19

I don't know that celebrate is the word. And we use adoption day, not "gotcha" day. But, we do acknowledge it. We watch video of the day we were united, and we look at our travel pictures (it was an international adoption.) Looking at videos and pictures on that day is also an opportunity to talk about our daughter's feelings because she was obviously upset our first few days together. We also eat dinner at TGI Fridays, which is the first restaraunt we all ate together at. This is just our immediate little family of 3. It is certainly not a party, but It wouldn't feel right not to acknowledge the occasion at all.

Answer 20

Not my choice. I have celebrated all of my children's birthdays and have never made a special day celebration of any particular child.



I feel that with these "special days" one creates a feeling between children, that the other child is special because of -------!. When one has adopted children and a pregnancy the way to have a joyful happy, contented family is to treat everyone equally and not creat a line between anyone.



I have heard an adoptive parent say "This is my adopted child and this is my own.? Very destructive choice of words,



Same thing applies to celebrating the day someone was adopted. If I and my family are celebrating everyone's birthday, why choose to also celebrate the "other" day.



I believe in treating every child in the family with respect and consideration towards their feelings and emotions.



Mother of six children, five adopted from birth and one pregnancy. All six are my children (now adults with their own children). I must have done something right because everyone of my six children love each other, respect each other and have joy in the knowledge that all of us are representing what this world should be about, love. All my children have different ethnic backgrounds.







Treat the adopted child as your own child, do not differentiate anything.

Answer 21

Really dumb!! Why would you want to celebrate a day that you lose the person that carried you for 9 months! Just celebrate their birthday!

Answer 22

I can't imagine celebrating losing my mother, my identity, heritage and entire extended family. Thank goodness my parents had the good sense not to inflict that upon me - birthdays were hard enough, thanks!



And 'Gotcha' puleeeeeze! Did someone obtain a child or trap an animal? I told this one to my adoptive mother the other day and she could not believe such a disgusting term had been invented. My mom is great, matching us is one thing the agency did well.

Answer 23

My children wanted to celebrate the day of adoption, but we didn't call it gotcha day. . . . they were foster children in our home for a year and a half before we were able to adopt, that was not the day we "got" them. That's just the way we looked at it. I think it's different for each family, I know it's a day we will forever be grateful for and will always remember.

Answer 24

I hate the term "Gotcha Day" but we DO celebrate "Adoption Day" in our family.



It's a low key event, and it's changed as my kids have gotten older. I used to take the day off from work and then do something special with that child. Today, instead, we all go out to eat to a restaurant that child picks and out for a special dessert. The child who's adoption day it is can bring one friend.



We don't do presents, but occassionally the invited child will bring something (though we tell them not to.) We spend it together as a family.



I agree though, I don't like the emphasis on "Gotcha". I also think that's offensive. (To adoptees, but to me as well!) For us, it's a celebration of our life together.

Answer 25

I thought an 'adoption day' was weird and as a first mom, it actually bothered me. Just kindof creepy. My son was basically stolen from me because I was bullied by everybody else as well as lied to. He apparently stopped celebrating the day about 6 years ago after finding out how many adoptions came about that way (through bullying) through Catholic Charities.

Answer 26

i was adopted in 1953 9 april and i even got pesents then i think its great. and i can't imagine someone not wanting to have this its a great time for all.

Answer 27

We celebrate the anniversary of the day our son came home to us as our "Welcome Home Day". We do not call it "Gotcha Day" or "Adoption Day". It is a celebration for just the three of us to spend time as a family and do something family-oriented and fun to remember that this was the day we became a family. His bio-grandparents also send him a card on this day wishing him a Happy Welcome Home Day - but that has all been on their own with no input from us.



Every year since we've had our son, I do write out a card for him and put it away for when he gets older or in the event that something would happen to me. As he gets older, I will probably give him the card on "Welcome Home Day" as a reminder of how grateful we are to have him in our lives and how important he is to our family.



We also "celebrate" the day that the adoption was finalized but not as a huge party or anything. I explain to him why the day is important to our family and ask him what he wants to do on his special day - this year it was take munchkins into his class. I just let him do something that "HE" wants to do that day and I use it as an opportunity to "educate" him (he's only 5) on his adoption and the parts of the story that we are able to share with him at this age.



I personally feel that adoption celebrations are up to the family and how the children react. I know two adult adoptees who still celebrate their adoption day with a dinner with their adoptive parents and they actually look forward to it because it allows their children to understand that families can be created differently. I'm sure that not all adoptees feel that way though. So I believe it is up to the individual families.



I know that the term "Gotcha Day" has to hit a sore nerve with some adoptees. If anyone has any thoughts on our "Welcome Home Day" terminology, please email me thru my profile so that I can better understand how this may affect our son.

Answer 28

i think a-day is a great thing, it celebrates the day you are a forever family, the term gotcha day, not really fond of. a lot of adoptive adults have a lot of saddness on there b-days, a-day "seems" positive, everyone has feelings that are differant, i say maybe leave it for the child to decide. I dont celebrate my a-day, but b-day..... for my son we will wait untill he is old enough to decide if thats somthing he wants to celebrate.

Answer 29

I think it's personal choice for the adoptive family and should not be judged.



I might add that this is not a celebration that we do in our family and "gotcha" is not a term I would use if we did.

Answer 30

I absolutely hate "gotcha day" I think it is offensive. However, I love adoption day. In Texas we have a National Adoption Day on the Saturday before Thanksgiving. It's an awesome experience for everyone involved. It makes adoption a happy and warm experience, instead of the stigma people sometimes receive. Families choose whether or not they would like to participate in adoption day depending on how they think their children will handle the experience. Lawyers donate their time and so do the judges. Each court room is filled with stuffed animals and the children get a piece of jewelry with their adoption day engraved on it. It's a wonderful day that touches everyone who participates.

Answer 31

When I saw this question, I immediately thought of the day that we brought our daughter home from Russia - July 18th. That day will always stay in my mind even though it's not that important day in other ways. To have an "adoption day" celebration, that would be a great idea actually!!!!!

Answer 32

Personally I don't find this idea appetizing at all.



I prefer to mourn the day I lost my natural family and had my true identity stripped from me. I see very little happiness in a day that results in anyone being denied who they are. To me this is the equivalent of celebrating the day someone got amnesia.

Answer 33

Another adoptee here who hates it! Too me it just symbolizes the day that our mothers (and fathers!) lost us and it makes us different from everyone else.

Answer 34

My two little ones, are excited about their adoption day.

I started off thinking, I would just let it be and not make a big deal about it because, I'm sure as excited as they were for that day, it's still bitter sweet. Something was still lost for them....the hope that their bio-parents really would want them....

but as the 30th sneaks up, my son will remind me how many more months until the day we became a legal family. He's pretty excited. It will be our first anniver.

Answer 35

I think it is beyond disgusting to celebrate the day a child legally loses his/her entire family.

Answer 36

i dont know there was one!

but i think it good to celebrate finding a family that care for and love you

Answer 37

I think it is a great idea- wish I would have thought about it when we adopted our two children.

Answer 38

well i personally waz adopted the day after i waz born so we celebrate it anywayz

Answer 39

either that or some people do get to know the date the child was born.

Answer 40

i think it is extremely important ~~~to them and to u i would by all means i congratulate u for thinking of this in such hi importance

Answer 41

Well, I guess its kinda synonymous with a 'birthday', so why not?

Answer 42

fun fun fun

Answer 43

R-E-P-U-L-S-I-V-E.

Answer 44

if that is what they want