a young girl having a baby(her friend needs HELP!!!)?

Question

ok well my friend is very young to have a kid and she dosent know wat to do she knows that she cant keep the child but she dosent want to get an oportion but she is scared to give birth... she dosent no how to adopt!!! i dont know wat i should tell her and help her out with this..... the father of her child just says to have an oportion but she dosent want her child's life have to go to waste when she can just give to a family that actully wants a child that is what i siad ot her......
i dont no what to do please help me

Answer 1

She needs to tell her parents. If she is not going to have an abortion (and even then) they need to be involved because she is so very young.



I know a girl who my sister went to school with who had and kept a baby while she was in middle school. She had a lot of support from her family though, and it was more like the baby was her sister and her parents were raising her.



Adoption (or abortion) is probably the best case in the situation, however I do not know how her parents are going to react to the situation. If it were my child...well I would probably suggest an abortion (I know I will get flamed for that) but ultimately it is her decision whether she has an abortion, places the baby with an adoptive family or tries to raise the child herself.



Every single solution to this problem is heartbreaking and will alter her life. You need to just continue to be a friend for her, even if you are having a hard time coming to terms with the situation, remember that she has it so much worse. She is going to need a friend no matter what road she takes. An unjudgemental friend who will be there for her no matter what.



Gosh, my heart is breaking for this girl and for her family. This is very sad. Kids grow up way too fast these days.



To the answerer below me: Seriously, this is not the place to advertise yourselves as potential parents. I understand you are dealing with infertility, but trying to find a baby through Y!A is completely innapropriate and wrong. Go through the proper legal means of adoption yourself.

Answer 2

The first thing she needs to do is start taking care of herself. She needs to go to the local walmart or CVS or Eckerds and get some prenatal vitamins. She could also go to the health department for this. They will give her a blood test to confirm pregnancy. Then they will talk to her and help her decide what is best and how to take care of herself during this pregnancy. They will also put her in contact with people to help her with the adoption process. There are many routes to take. She can have a closed adoption where the child doesn't know her or an open adoption where her child may have some contact with her, or at least she will know who has the child. She shouldn't be scared of the delivery. The doctors will take care of that and with an epidural you can't even feel the labor. I know I've had two. The most important things is that she starts to take care of herself now. Like today. If she smokes she needs to quite or at least slow down. NO drinking or doing drugs. If she has a problem with any of these she needs to talk to the lady at the health department about getting help. Good luck to her. I think she is making a very grown up decision not to have an abortion and to give a family a child to love.

Answer 3

She should tell an adult she trusts (family member, school counselor, doctor or family friend just to give some ideas). She should also look up "abortion alternatives" in the phone book & see if she can find an attorney or agency who will handle the adoption.



She has a right to choose the adoptive family and to determine how open the adoption will be -- She can have frequent contact with the child, no contact with the child/adoptive family or somewhere in between...whatever she's most comfortable with.



Give her support and let her know that it's going to be ok. Have her look up the information on attorneys & agencies & choose one to work with.



She doesn't need to be afraid to give birth...she can be given and epidural to make the labor easier. She'll be fine. The doctors, nurses and her coach will help her with everything with labor.

Answer 4

Just be her friend and be there for her no matter what. She is lucky to have you as her friend. well may be you need to talk to an adult. It seems to me that your friend doesn't really want to give up her child for adoption. The only reason she is wants to do that is because she doesn't want to make an abortion. So talk to someone, a friend mom, her aut or uncles. Someone that she trust the most and see from there. No matter what do not make an abortion tell her to stay strong and keep her baby or give it for adoption. It is not going to be easy at all. But it will work out. As it is for you, learn from her mistake and don't do the same thing as she did. Good luck, best of wishes and lot of love

Answer 5

There are many options for her. I think you said she was 13? She needs to tell her parents, because I doubt she could hide the fact. There are places she can go live, have the baby then return home if that is the best plan of action for her. Most people would just think she is off at school somewhere. There are many agencies that would love to have her baby and quite a few options in that category as well. Or she can do a private adoption. My neighbor across the street is a lawyer and he told me of a young girl who came directly to him and told him what she wanted to do and he helped her. It needs to be legal and binding to protect all parties. The adopting parent can pay for hospital expenses but after that the line gets a bit clouded because it is illegal to "buy" a baby. Some agencies charge living expenses during the last few months a mom is unable to work-but at 13 I would doubt that would fly. My friends who adopted also had a young mom in their house the last few months of pregnancy and were with her during labor and delivery and when she was released from the hospital they put her on a plane back to her home.(and baby stayed with them)



There are many families out there wanting to adopt and many to choose from. If she is going to put her child up for adoption, make sure she takes care of herself. Keep exercising, good food and nutrition-it will make the delivery so much easier for her.



If I can help in any way, please feel free to email me and I'll respond or give my phone number to talk. Best of luck! Sheri

Answer 6

One of the first things this girl should do is TELL HER PARENTS! She is going to need all the help and guidance that she can get. This is too much of a situation for you and her to handle. They will know what to do. I'm glad though that she has made her mind up to give the baby up for adoption. There are many families who want to have children and cannot. I am totally against abortion, so most definitely I am proud of her! I hope everything works out for her and I'm glad she has you as a friend. You seem like you really care for her. She has a long road ahead of her and she will need your support too... take care sweetie....

Answer 7

First, she needs to tell her parents. Second, adoption is a good idea. Find a phone book and look up social services or adoption and start calling those numbers till you guys have answers. Every state is a little different so that's the best I can tell you on that. With adoptions choices are available. If she wants to remain anonymous she can or she could potentially meet and choose the parents before hand.

Answer 8

This child needs a strong loving home regardless of its beginnings. With an adoption, she can go on to live her life and know she did the responsible thing, the adult decision. My husband and I cant have children and it has broken both our hearts to the core. We have been married for 10 yrs and we are each others best friend. My husband is a soldier in the US Army and any child that came into our family would have the best medical care as well as an education through the armys GI Bill program. If she chooses adoption, please give us a thought. The legalities can be handled through the Judge Advocate Generals Office, in other words, it would be paid for through the Army as well. PLEASE, take a moment and think what we can offer. On top of all the technical stuff, I am a homemaker and this child would have so much love in its life. Thanks for your time and good luck to your friend!

Answer 9

Hey honey. Your friend sounds like she is going through such a rough time. It brings back many memories because I too went through the same thing that she is going through.



She needs to talk to someone outside of her family, and get some counseling. A pastor would be great if she belongs to a church. They will not judge her, only give her loving and encouraging advice. This will help her to weigh out her options and make the right decision for her child and herself.



Also, like I said I was in the same situation and in the end decided to give my daughter up for adoption. It was a very hard decision and took me a long time to decide to do this. If your friend needs someone to talk to, she can email me.



Good Luck and God Bless!

Answer 10

FIRST OFF.. do not listen to every single comment, they will confuse you or your friend... I was 15 when I had my baby. Now she is an adult. At 12 or 13 these conversations are too complicated for you or your friend to understand. You just need to open any phone book and see the dark bold word ADOPTION SERVICES and call them. Call Catholic Social Services they are in the phone book too. They are probably the best one for your age or your friends age. You or your friend do NOT need to worry about telling your parents or hers. These people will do all the talking for you or her. If you are afraid to stay with your parents or your friends parents, they can find you a very nice place to stay until the baby is born, they take care of you and pay the doctor bills and buy your clothes and food for you. You will stay with other young girls the same age who are giving the baby up for adoption. Then when you or your friend deliver the baby, then you or her, can go back home if you or her want. If you do not want to, these same people will find a place for you to live.

Answer 11

Your friend should tell her parents then contact an agency that helps unwed mothers during pregnancy. She should see a Doctor as soon as possible and the Dr. can provide her with information to local agencies that will understand and help her with the adoption process.



Adoption is her very best option, in my opinion. This baby deserves a good home and your friend is not able to provide that for the child. Good luck to you both!

Answer 12

Hi my mother had me at 11 years old and I am adopted. I can tell you that their are alot of agencies that will assist it depends were you live. Department of Social Services DSF or DSS they can help in that matter also Catholic Charities, School councilor, even your school nurse. Plan Parent hood stays confidential. You have the safe haven law also that applies. You can also do open adoption were you can pick the family that your child will be going to and watch he or she grow up. I use to do motivational speaking please if you have any more questions contact that e-mail and I will answer you and help you in figuring it out. You are not alone and don't do anything you will regret. Stop listening to others look inside for the best interest of you and child. Their are programs for young mothers and you live and deliver and learn how to care for you child along with other girls in your situation. Please take care and I will pray for your friend!!!!!

Answer 13

The first thing she needs to do is tell her parents. You are both to young to try to handle this on your own. And her parents will find out eventually. The next thing that she needs to do is see a doctor. Once she takes care of those two things her parents can contact adoption agencies to place the baby for adoption.

Answer 14

She needs to talk to an adult immediately. She needs care and advice on how to take care of herself during the pregnancy. She needs to start taking prenatal vitamins as soon as possible.

If she's going to be responsible and take the baby to full term and give it up for adoption, she needs to start NOW. Putting the child up for adoption is a selfless and wonderful thing to do but she will need support and advice from ADULTS starting right now.



You must care about her a lot to be going through this with her, but you cannot deal with this on your own.



If you need to talk to someone confidentially, call Planned Parenthood.



Good luck to you and your friend.

Answer 15

OOOOH SOOOOO TYPICAL!! Come off as caring and then put your profile at the end because you'd gladly take this baby off of her hands wouldn't you. Thats so sick.



I'm sorry, but this girl needs a family, who's going to step up to the plate and keep her baby and help her raise it!!! Why not adopt this 13 y/o girl and help her raise her BABY. Just because shes so young, and pregnant, doesn't automatically mean that she needs to chose adoption, or abortion!! Wheres the family support? Guess she wouldn't have been out having sex if it existed to begin with. Poor dear, www.motherhelp.com www.originsusa.org www.cubirthparent/booklet.pdf



journey of the adopted self by betty jean lifton ( have the girls mother read this ) primal wounds by nancy verrier ( and this )

Answer 16

Another option to Planned Parenthood -

Talk to a church -- Since she knows she doesn't want an abortion, churches are generally more in line with her way of thinking. LDS (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) Social Services places a lot of children for unwed mothers. They also help the young mother get through the birth. I'm sure there are similar organizations for the Catholic Church. I just happen to know about LDS Social Services because a friend of mine chose to use them when she was a young, unwed mother.



Your friend is lucky to have you by her side. She does need to talk to her parents though. They will almost surely be a great help to her at this time.

Answer 17

she can call the local DCFS office in her county. there are plenty of people that would love to adopt a baby/child. i for one would do it in a heartbeat. i have already adopted 2. and love every minute of them. they are 9 and 7. i have had them since they were 3 and 13 mths old.

Answer 18

Well you sound like you are a very caring friend.



Her choice to put her child up for adoption should be supported. She needs to make sure that she remains healthy and the baby develops well. Mom is so young she definitely needs a Dr.'s supervision.



Regarding adoption....she as several options for herself.



1. She can go to an agency and they will help her and provide her with options.

2. She can locate a family herself and still work with an agency that the Adoptive Parents may be working with, or they can all go together to an agency if services are needed.

3. She can work with a family privately and not include an Agency and just use an Attorney. I would recommend an Agency though as she may need some additional services.

4. She should know that the adoptive families can help her with some reasonable finances later in the pregnancy (according to whichever state law applies).



Lastly, perhaps you can also let her know that we are a very loving family in Illinois that is looking for a child to adopt. She can see us at



www.adopt-with-love.com



or she can call us at 888-488-BABY.



We are not committed to an Agency at this time so we are very flexible as to how we can help.



My last comment, not so much to the person who wrote the question....TO ALL THOSE THAT ARE ADOPTION HATERS (and you know who you are)....these days there is something called OPEN ADOPTION. This means that the child has an opportunity to be adopted while maintaining contact with his or hers birthparents. So the sealed records and not being able to know why your parents gave you up will eventually be a thing of the past. Most adoptive families (like myself) opt for the open adoption.....who wouldn't want more love in their adopted childs life. Then on the other hand...there are SO MANY birthmoms that may want nothing to do with their children, perhaps the birthmom is a homeless drug addict who is having her 6th child, perhaps she is in jail and having her 1st child, MAYBE she is 13 years old and was raped by her Uncle, and lastly, maybe the condom broke!!!! Whatever her circumstances, adoption may be what SHE WANTS for her child WITH OR WITHOUT any future contact with her child(ren). So to all you adoption haters....SORRY ABOUT YOUR OWN MISFORTUNES AND STRESSFUL AND FRUSTRATING SEARCHES AND UNANSWERED QUESTIONS, I am sure it SUCKS! BUT dont assume that adoption in general is such a bad thing for EVERYONE...its not. As with everything in LIFE, adopion has its good and its bad. dont knock it for the families that will give the less fortunate children a better life than what they could have had with their drug addicted parents.



I was asked why dont I adopt the 13 year old and her baby....I would have no problem with that but I am assuming that this 13 year old parents would.......shes not up for adoption her baby is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



AHA, foster care...yes, again, another life lesson to you.....foster care has it good and its bad. I, myself, prefer and BELIEVE IN giving a child a permenant life situation rather than being bounced around from one foster home to another. I HAVE the experience working in Foster Care since 1988 and have been licensed to foster and DID foster children......so before you start telling others what to do perhaps you should have done it yourself.



So to you adoption haters..........I apologize to you if I offend you that I am wanting to love another child in my life. I hope for you that you receive the help that you need to resolve the issues you have regarding your own adoption (that is assuming that you were adopted since you have such strong and negative feelings about it). I will pray for you.

Answer 19

Have her look in the phone book under "Adoption Agencies". She can talk to them and they will come to visit her or she can go to their office. They will counsel with her and tell her about adoption, the procedures, her choices, etc.



She can have an open adoption or closed, she can choose or help chose the family if she wants, and they will come to the hospital with her when she delivers. She does not have to pay for these services. In most states, she does not have to go to court either.



They can assist her with her doctor appointments, housing, groceries, etc. if she needs help.



She can call tonight if she wants. If you need a number for an agency she can talk to, email me and I will respond.



Good luck and you are kind for supporting her while she makes her own decision.

Answer 20

Tell her to contact an adoption attorney. It won't cost her anything, since the adoption is paid for by the adopting parents. Make sure it is a good adoption attorney. The link below is where I went to find mine.

Answer 21

I wish there was a way 2 contact U.

she needs 2 have sum1 chat w/ her about her options.

then she should find a family that would take her child &

let her know how it is doing while it grows up.

this will make her choice easier on her.

damn. it will be tough any way U cut it.

if U want 2 chat contact me.

Answer 22

Please have her/them to tell their parents. If my daughter was in your friends place I would want to know. I would also tell her to have the baby and I would gain guardianship of the baby. I would not allow her to give the baby away or abort it. I would raise the baby for her or help her to raise it. I would also teach her how to be a parent and if she did not want the responsibility at that point in time then at least she would no t grow up wondering what had happened to her child and if she/he was happy or not. Please PLEASE have her/them tell their parents....it is urgent. Parents always love their children NO MATTER WHAT THEY HAVE DONE!!!!!!!

Answer 23

look its hard to be pregnant at 13. i know this. she doesnt need to have an abortion. she needs to have the baby and put it up for adoption. if she doesnt want to do that and she cant keep it. then let me know i would be more than willing to take her child in. me and my husband would travel to get the child once it was born. it wouldnt be the first time we did.

Answer 24

Call a local government office (local courthouse etc.) and ask about where to give a child up for adoption. Please support your friend's desire to spare her child's life to either keep or give for adoption, both are equally loving and moral options!

Chris,

God bless

Answer 25

at her age she has to tell her parents. It serious matter that the family should the one to know. As a friend you should tell her parents your friends situation. That the best thing to help your friend.

Answer 26

I almost think it's funny that your friend is scared to give birth, but she wasn't scared to have unprotected sex. What is wrong with teenagers today? You think you can't get pregnant or get AIDS even because you're young. If she though she was old enough to have sex, she's old enough to have this baby. I highly suggest she see a counselor.

Answer 27

she needs to get some help. There are agencies that will help her and help her baby. She needs to tell her parents now so that she gets the medical care she needs.

Answer 28

First of all it's "abortion". Secondly she needs to call a Planned Parenthood (find it on the web). They can help her with an adoption.

Answer 29

There are plenty of people who want children so i would put it up for adoption.

Answer 30

She is able to do nothing legally without her parents.

Answer 31

if you live in england we will have it my husband and i want to have a baby but cant .she is very young to be having a child im very sorry that shes in this situation like i say if she needs help then we can help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 32

do not contact tina jane she is a fake, i do not know what her scam is but she is not who she says she is

Answer 33

Congratulate your friend for screwing up her & this unborn babies life.

Answer 34

And her parents are where??

Answer 35

i think this gurl is you.......

Answer 36

OPORTION LOL



WOWWW how YOUNG is she/you REALLY???