if an (open ad.) adoptee needs to do a family tree for a school project?

Question

do we give them their original tree, or their a-family tree?

Answer 1

Wow, Isabel. I so wish that my amom had done what yours did. The family tree project was so depressing for me. I got a lot of info from my grandparents about my aparents families. My aparents were fascinated, since a lot of the information was stuff they didn't know about their own families. I ended up feeling like I had done an ancestry research for complete strangers...I felt no connection whatsoever to any of it.



Anyway, to answer your question, assuming the adoption is open, and if I had to choose, I would say the original family.

The problem I see with giving the child a choice is that, being an adoptee, I bet dollars to donuts that the kid would choose to do the adoptive family tree just to make the aparents happy. I know I would have.



I think it is much more authentic to do the family of origin. I know the concern is that then the child will feel like the aparents don't really consider him/her part of the family...but the kid probably already feels that way anyway. Why not give them the permission to take an interest in their actual ancestry.



ETA: I remember when I actually found out some interesting info on my family of origin after reuniting with my first mom, I went to my aparents and told them about it...they couldn't have cared less. That really hurt, because it felt like they didn't care who I was.

Just a suggestion to aparents...take an interest in your child's first family. It's who they are and (if they're anything like me) they want you to accept them totally, even their origins.

Answer 2

My adoptive mom called the teacher and informed him that I would not be doing a family tree. She explained my reasons (as an adoptee with no family history whatsoever, I didn't see the point in making a tree of people of whom I had no biological connection-which is the whole point of geneology) which she agreed with and the teacher agreed too. He actually decided not to require a family tree for his class after that because he agreed so strongly with my points and he felt he had learned something from my mom and me.



ETA: I just reread your question. Sorry, I didn't realize that this was for open adoptees.

In that case I would say if they knew their bios and they could only choose one, I would let the adoptee decide what to do. After all, it's THEIR project and no one else's. I like to encourage children to think for themselves.

Answer 3

Family trees are normally meant to be genealogical in nature. People know this, so a lot of adoptees have, in the past, found the "family tree assignment" to be a drag. So, their genealogical tree should be used. The adopted person can also choose to put adoptive branches on it.



ETA:

If only one can be used, then it only makes sense that it be the original tree. Why would anyone pretend someone's genes got changed just because s/he was adopted?

Answer 4

You include both families. If it is open enough that you know a full family tree for the first family, then that should be the main trunk with the adoptive family as a main branch.



If they were only allowed one family, then I would march down to the school and have it out with the teacher. They have TWO families. That is their truth. Why make the child have to choose? Because the grownups have issues?







ETA:

Okay, after reading what she said, I agree with Isabel. Let the child choose. I would encourage including both, but maybe they don't want to seem different to their peers by putting on display for all their classmates that they have more than one family. A lot of times kids just want to fit in, and since they were put in this situation through no doing of their own, they shouldn't have to disclose private (not secret, but private) information if they do not want to. If they decided to do only one, whichever they picked would be okay with me (first family because it is their genetics and history, or adoptive family because there would be less to explain to their friends), and I would make sure they knew that and would back up their decision with their teacher--if they wanted me to.



I also agree with Happymom. Traditional Family Trees are a problem for a lot more kids than just those who have been adopted. After the problems are pointed out to them, a lot of teachers will give a few different choices of assignment or will drop this all together so as not to single a few kids out.

Answer 5

I think nowadays the schools are more lenient and understanding on this subject. There are so many different kinds of families now. I have seen where you put two trees side by side and do as much as you can from both families. With the child connecting both trees. I have seen one of these and it can be pretty interesting. I don't see where a teacher can complain and they would have no right too. That is the family. Ot just go with either family.

Answer 6

i couldn't agree more with spydermom.



if it's a real open adoption then they have a bio family and an adoptive family, so they should all be included on one tree together. that is the child's family. why make the child feel bad because the teacher has issues. the project is to show their family and that's what they would be doing.



now if this is later on in school and is being used for a science type of project to help teach genetics and how they pass on from generation to generation. i would explain to my child that using their adoptive family isn't going to be what's needed and their bio family is to be used for the project.



but for your general grade school type family tree, my child would include her "entire" family. it would be the biggest tree in the class! one with plenty of branches to catch you when you fall.

Answer 7

Hopefully the teacher would be open minded enough to allow the child to choose how to do their own family tree.

Answer 8

I don't think an adoptee has a tree...maybe it's more of a bush. We don't have roots, as most people do. How about adoptees, creating a family shrub which would include all significant branches; original, adoptive, steps...

Answer 9

There are some fun ways to do the family tree and this question isn't just a problem for open adopted children...



My daughter likes the Tree with Roots version... The Top of the family tree is written as a standard family tree--and the Roots are the birth family. The roots reflect the same positions as the tree...



My son is enjoying the family bush where all the members, birth, adoptive and Step family are represented by a branch on a bush....



Some children like the Rainbow where each color represents a part of the family.....

Answer 10

You are her famliy. Do your and your hubbys tree.

Answer 11

Why not include both?



Edit: If I knew enough about their original tree I would give them the original.