I need some advice, I have been searching for family online...?

Question

My stepdaughter, whom my husband had no seen in 10 years & my brother’s daughter that we had not seen in 9 years, both who moved away & we did not know where.
Anyway, I found all three on Myspace, after searching over & over every so often. We are now in contact with my stepdaughter & niece.
Of course, then I tried to contact the daughter I gave up for adoption when I was 16, (she is now 17). I found my her, but was not sure it was her (I only had a county, first name & age). I found a girl who resembled me…& asked to be her friend on Myspace. I said in the request, My name is ****, and if that means something great, but if not, sorry for the intrusion.
She accepted. The adoptive family has my name & pictures of me, I was supposed to keep contact but when I was 19, but my letters to the social worker all came back. When I was able to see her profile, I seen a lot of pics & knew for sure. Anyway, I finally got up nerve & messaged her that I knew it was really her & that I was happy, but in no hurry to rush things. We could take all the time she wanted. I was not very specific, I thought she knew who I was because all her other Myspace friends are teenagers & stuff, in her town. I am out of state. Why would she accept me?
She replied, umm what, I’m confused. Well, I said nevermind, thought you were someone else, and she said
I’M Sorry”........ we have messaged back & forth since, but only
smalltalk. I do not know what to do. Does she know? I know for sure it is her now because she put her birthdate on her profile. Should I say something about it, do you thinks she knows & is not ready?
My sister all added her & she accepted her as well.

I am sorry this is so lengthy, but there are so many details that I could not leave out.

Answer 1

I agree with Independant.



Most kids with myspace tend to add anyone who friend requests them because they want to have a huge number of friends.



Tell her your whole story. Just tell her that you are searching for your daughter, you know it's confusing, and that you will answer any questions she has.



My sister's fmom found her by emailing her on myspace. She sent a simple letter that said she was looking for her daughter and the resemblance was too close too ignore.

Answer 2

Whoever gave you advice to go through the adoptive parents to talk to your daughter.....don't listen! Clearly, they have rejected your attempts at openness by returning your letters. Plus, your daughter is old enough to make choices for herself.



I think your daughter knows who you are, but doesn't want to go out on a limb until she is sure. She has probably fantasized about you for so long that she is afraid that this could also be a dream.



I think you should send her an email and tell her who you are, then leave the ball in her court. Don't make it heavy, just gently let her know who you are and that you always thought about her.



Let her make the choices from that point on, as she has not had any choice in the adoption to begin with. Best of luck! How exciting for you both!

Answer 3

Wow what a story! It seems very likely that she has no idea about you. If your letters were getting returned that could be because the parents instructed the social worker to do so.



If I were you I'd ask her a few personal questions like about her family and see if she opens up to you. try and get to the question of her being adopted. She really may have no clue and I don't know if you want to open that can of worms...

Answer 4

"Does she know? I know for sure it is her now because she put her birthdate on her profile. Should I say something about it, do you thinks she knows & is not ready?"





? ? ?.







Tell her your entire story and that your searching for your daughter. If there is any doubt she is not your daughter tread lightly.



She may not know.....kids like to build up as many friends on Myspace as possible.....its a popularity thing.





If you have met the Aps of your child then describe them to her. Give her as much details as possible.





I think you should let her get to know you with pictures etc. before telling her so that she at least has an idea of who/what you are like.

Answer 5

i really dont think she knows she was adopted, and as a teenager i would find it creepy if a raondom person was talking to me, i would try getting in contact with the parents... talk with them first .. you did give her up for adoption, and it might not be a bad thing, but dont go tlling her and freaking her out, you new to her, try your hardest to speak with the parwents before you go telling her, you dont want her to feel alone, or given up...