I Need Opinions From People Who Aren't Emotionally Involved...Adoption vs Abortion?

Question

Please limit the hostile comments, its not what I need right now.

I'm a 21 year old married woman with 7 month old twins. Thursday, I took a home pregnancy test and it was positive. Our financial situation isn't very good at all right now. Now I believe we should give the baby up for adoption, I personally don't think I could bring myself to get an abortion. My husband thinks I should get one. He says it'll be hard, nearly impossible to take care of the twins while I am pregnant and that it would ruin the kids life to give it up for adoption. But is that better or worse than terminating it? Would I, in your opinion, be doing the right thing by giving it up for adoption over abortion? My main goal and only goal is to do what is best for my family. What do you think?

Answer 1

You're young right now and your family is just starting out financially. Given that, you may or may not have more children down the road. Ask yourself this - if my child came back 20 years from now and found that he/she had 2 older siblings and possibly more younger siblings, how would they feel about the fact that they were the one you chose to give up?

I am an adoptee, I have adopted a child, and I have had an abortion when my husband and I got pregnant when I was 19. Am I sad about the child I aborted? Yes and no. I feel horrible that I didn't take more precautions than just the pill to prevent my pregnancy. However, I also KNOW that my life would have been irrevocably changed, and probably for the worse for all involved (including the child), if we had decided to have that child at that time.

Try thinking about it from your child's perspective rather than your own, and I'm not saying that meanly. It will be hard for your family no matter what you do - keep, abort, or adoption. What will be the least impactful to the child? If they are never born, they know nothing. If they are adopted out, they most likely will be saddened that you chose just them to give up if they ever find out. If you keep the child, it sounds like there will be a negative impact from a financial and emotional bandwidth perspective.

Wish you and your family the best in this tough decision. btw - Your twins look adorable from what I can see from the mini-pic. =)

Answer 2

First, congrats on your twins!

Second, this message board gets VERY negative about adoption...so read all the comments with that in mind.



If you feel like you truly cannot raise this baby, I would strongly suggest looking into adoption. Adoptions as of late are more open so you would be able to see the child grow up and know they were in good hands. It can be a scary decision to make, but one of the most selfless things you could ever do.



Coming from a woman who hopes someday to be a mother, and can only be so through the MIRACLE of adoption...I am hoping that some selfless woman in your situation will be brave enough to choose adoption.



Either choice will be hard and have cons and many powerful emotions. Don't rush into a decision. If you ever want to talk, I'd be glad to listen, just message me.

Answer 3

Keep the child or abort. In that order.



Either keep the child and suffer through the Temporary discomfort of having to care for the other two while pregnant or abort now. I agree with your husband 100%. It's not something you will be proud of, but neither is adoption. Especially since you kept the other two. The third child will feel the sting from that and yes one day this child will find out.



I'm just a little curious how you feel your going to get answers from people not emotionally charged in the adoption section?

Answer 4

Do not have an abortion if you do not want to. Do not give your child up for adoption if you do not want to. Both can have serious life long consequences. I obviously don't know much about your finical situation, but have you considered government assistance for a short time, or even temporary guardianship for the infant with a family member or a foster familly for a short time? Do you have baby supplies left over from the twins or family who can help you out?

Answer 5

I would get an abortion, your body is not ready to be pregnant again. You must heal from your previous pregnancy first especially since it was twins, they took twice as much calcium from you and made your body work twice as hard than a singleton pregnancy would have. I would abort for my own health, it is recommended that you wait two yrs in between pregnancies, so your bones can re-calcify and your body fully recover. But this decision is yours. Choose wisely and do what right for you and the family you already have.



Info if you need it . . . .

If you go to a Planned Parenthood clinic that has a low-income program it can be as cheap as 100$. If you tells them you have no job, no money and no support they will likely have you pay the minimum for the procedure and get donations to cover the rest. 1-800-230-PLAN (1-800-230-7526) to find the Planned Parenthood clinic nearest you. If you are underage it will mostly likely be free.



You have the choice between the pill (which can be taken up to 11weeks, at home or at a friends house) or the vacuum method (in clinic procedure). Personally I used the pill method so I could be at home with my husband but some women want to have the surgical, so it's done and over with when they leave the clinic.



You will be financially screened - usually this goes on the honor system, weight/height taken, blood pressure checked, pricked -fingertip- to check for rH factor and anemia, you will receive an ultrasound or sonogram to determine gestational age. You may be asked if you want to view the image, this is up to you. You will receive antibiotics, anti-nausea tabs and pain meds. Take them ALL. You must finish at the very least your course of antibiotics. Follow all aftercare instructions and go back to your after care appt. This last step is vital, you must go back for your aftercare appt! Abortion begins a new menstrual cycle. You should have a regular period in 4 to 8 weeks.you should have the option of receiving birth control - again this will most likely be free, take it and use it correctly. If you are breastfeeding you may want to try progesterone only pills or a paragard.



Some state medicaid program do pay for it, use this link and figure out if your state covers it. If they do, you can go to "welfare" office and get emergency coverage and the state and taxes will help pay for it. http://www.ourbodiesourselves.org/book/companion.asp?id=20&compID=64



If you have any more questions or want/need to talk about it drop me an email.



It is entirely possible to have an abortion and not feel guilt because you knew it was the right thing to do.

ImNotSorry.net



~Pro-Choice Momma; Have had an abortion and I have a 11 month old daughter . I believe in protecting my daughter's choice.



Abortion: There is a Consensus

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsSQiazUvgo





EDIT - It's just an option, calm down. Have a nice day ; )

Answer 6

I'm afraid it will be difficult to find a Vulcan (someone not emotionally involved) to provide an emotion-free objective answer to this question.



For what it's worth, here is my take. First, your financial situation is temporary, adoption and abortion are permanent. There are other things in this world more important than material wealth. And there are options other than abortion and adoption. Consider the possibility of a kinship fostering, where another member of your family raises your child until you are able to take it on yourself. Or a kinship adoption where your child would still be a member of your extended family. Ask for and be willing to accept help from others. Re-evaluate your goals and priorities and ask yourselves whether they are more important than the welfare of your child. Do everything you can to either parent your child or find a way to keep him or her in your family.



Adoption and abortion should be options of very last resort. Either way, there will be a person missing from your family. There is no way that is "best" for any family.

Answer 7

Hello!



I was given up for adoption. I have had one of the greatest lives a girl can ask for.



I know my birth mother too. I have no ill feeling toward her. I love her for giving me life. I truly do.



Here is the thing. You as a mother know what it means to love an unborn baby. Men dont really get that hands on attachment till the baby is born. He couldnt possibly understand. Im afraid if you abort you will hate yourself later.



Parenting isnt for cowards. Its incredibly hard physical and emotional work especially with small children but you can do it! Really. My cousin had MS with three small children. I remember when she got the positive test how she cried and cried and cried. Her health was failing, her husband had just left for Korea in the army and she was UTTERLY depressed and overwhelmed.



But, she decided that balls to the wall she was gonna do this thing! And now, her kids are 6, 6, and 7.



They got through the tough part and are doing great!



There is a story for inspirations sake.



Its gonna be hard as hell but you can do this!

Answer 8

First of all, life has already began. Heartbeat starts in 8 days after conception. People in the old days did not punch their stomachs to kill babies because they had money problems. If your kid were to grow up to 18 and you told him or her that you almost aborted them, if it was me I'd punch my mother right in the face. Abortion is murder and is too ignorant a concept to comprehend. Ofcourse if you consider yourself no better than a monkey, lab rat, or any old animal, go ahead and save some money on the abortion, rip it out yourself with a coat hangar and smash it with your foot. It's cheaper.

Answer 9

i in my view might desire to in no way get an abortion. there are maximum of mom and dad accessible praying for a baby and that they are able to't conceive themselves. some will pay for being pregnant expenses besides. i could say adoption is the perfect answer. I have been given pregnant with my 2d whilst my first grew to become into 7 months it wasn't to undesirable. Twins could definitly make it greater durable. additionally your financial concern might desire to possibly substitute. issues might arise which will help you adult males. additionally see if kinfolk might desire to help in any way. Wic is likewise a superb determination for help with nutrition. good now we are financially no longer doing so good. My husband is working and going to college good now and could be accomplished in a year. So we are on wic, and borrowing clothing. advantages have been pouring in from human beings I barrely understand. We did no longer understand how we could make it yet 1000000000 prayers later. we are surviving, have 2 impressive young infants, and are amazingly a lot more suitable human beings! good success!

Answer 10

"My main goal and only goal is to do what is best for my family. What do you think?"



What's best for your family is keeping your family together.



You will be bombarded with lots of adverts from adoption agencies, adoption lawyers, and people who have adopted or are intending to adopt, telling you that adoption is "the loving option," but remember that these people stand to gain from adoption. A healthy white infant can now go for $25,000 or more. There are more than 40 infertile couples waiting for every healthy white infant available (statistic from Adoptive Families Magazine, 2000).



Do you want your kept children to wonder if you will give them away as well for whatever reason? Do you want your lost child to forever wonder why they were not good enough to keep?



Remember that open adoptions are NOT legally enforceable. Children still get hurt seeing that their siblings were kept and they were not kept.



If my grandmother could raise 11 children on her own, so can you. If your financial situation is not good, then go and see a financial counselor and find out how to improve it. Your children will thank you for keeping them together.

Answer 11

I personally could not abort a healthy child.



Why can't you care for twins while pregnant? Is it likely that you will have a desperately difficult pregnancy? I simply don't see that as a valid argument unless there's a medical reason you haven't told us. I'm not saying caring for twins in a walk in the park, but women work all kinds of jobs while pregnant. It isn't an illness.



If I was a mum and pregnant with a healthy child, unless there was an overwhelming reason not to care for the child myself, I'd plan to have that child as part of my family. What would you have done if your twins had been triplets? It's not so very different.

Answer 12

My in laws were in the same position. They had 3 boys and decided to put the 2 additional ones up for adoption (5 boys total). A few years down the road when they realized they didn't have to do that and they could have easily taken care of the children. They have regretted it ever since. They thought they were doing what was best for the family but there no way of telling if they did or not. Only one of the boys has contacted them and he turned out exactly like his siblings.



If your biggest reason is money well guess what that's not a good reason. Children do not need new and expensive things. Your money problems right now are temporary but adoption and abortion are FOREVER. There are places that will help you raise your children. Look into churches and local charities. There also government assistance for food, thrift stores and gargle sales. Get a financial book to help you control your money.



I think you and your husband need to sit down and budget. Cut out all things you do not need. Like, sadly internet, cable tv and cell phones. Then make a plan to save money on utilities. Make sure you always turn the lights off, consider getting space heaters or using the fire place instead of heating up the whole house. Do not eat out ever. Cook your meals and buy off brand product, most of them are just as good. Expect mac and cheese, off brand mac and cheese is icky! Don't make expensive meals either. No impulsive shopping, even little things, a dollar here and a dollar there ADDS UP!



Do you have family near you that can help while you are pregnant? Or good friends? Don't be afraid to ask people for help. They love and care for you!



Its very possible to raise a family cheaply, you just have to try. Don't make a mistake that will hunt you for the rest of your life. There are places that will help you, you just have to ask!

Answer 13

I dont understand why you would put this in the adoption section if you do not want anyone who is "emotionally involved". I am adopted. there's no way I cannot be "emotionally involved".



I had an unplanned pregnancy and had an abortion BECAUSE I was adopted.



To me, giving a child up for adoption will devastate you and your family. How will your twins feel when they find out (and they WILL) that you gave away their sibling? They will fear you for the rest of their childhoods, and will NEVER trust you.



If you cannot raise this child yourself, do the right thing for EVERYONE involved, and terminate the pregnancy. But seriously, one more kid will not bankrupt you financially.

Answer 14

This is your decision and your alone. Your husband can't pressure you into doing something you don't want to.



If you dont' think you could bring yourself to get an abortion, you have likely answered your question...raise your child. If you bring this child to term, he/she will be part of your family even if you adopt him/her out. I think if you choose to go through with the pregnancy, the next logical step for you and your family is to raise your child.



Your child does not need money, they will need you.



That said, if you really feel you don't want to raise a child, you can do what you wish with a fetus.

Answer 15

If you can't bring yourself to get an abortion then your decision is done. It's now moved to parenting versus adoption, and that's one that you and your family will need to make, AFTER the baby is born.

Answer 16

Frankly, I wouldn't be able to do either. I am totally against abortion, I feel that we do not have the right to take the life from another human being, I just couldn't do it. On the other hand, if I gave my child away, I would think about him/her forever and be guilty. My personal opinion is to have the baby. Three is really not much more expensive than two.......except for child care costs if you use it. Breastfeed....it's free, and there are so many places to receive help if you need it....even with daycare. What a hard life-changing decision, I wish you good luck.

Answer 17

Hi Isabelle & Elizabeth's Mommy,



There was another mother on here recently going through a similar situation that you are now. You might want to check out some of the answers (including mine) that were given to her. Here's the link:



https://answersrip.com/question/index?qid=20091116054723AAQNqmG&show=7#profile-info-rYnp7PIyaa



My two cents in a nutshell - if you want to add another child to your family, continue the pregnancy. If you don't, then terminate early. I wish the best for you & your family.



julie j

reunited adult adoptee

Answer 18

Adoption, because if you have an abortion and change your mind and decide you want it will be late and it wouldnt ruin the babys life has i am adopted and my life is alright

Answer 19

abortion, it is easy to say im going to give it up for adoption, but it become very hard for you to let go of the baby, plus it would be hard with u being pregnant and caring for 7mth old twins. i would say abortion, and next time make sur eto use protection if your not planning on getting pregnant.

Answer 20

I think your husband is right.



Your choice right now is to give birth or not. You can terminate the pregnancy and then you won't become a parent again. Or you can give birth and become a parent again. Whether or not you relinquish your new baby for adoption, you are STILL that baby's mother forever and ever. You will always wonder what she looks like, what she's doing, if she's loved and being taken care of. She will wonder about you: what YOU look like, what YOU'RE doing, and why she wasn't 'good enough' for you to keep. Babies don't want designer clothes and expensive toys. They want their MOTHERS.



Abortion is a very personal choice and I would never want to push someone into having one if it was against that person's beliefs. (I am pro-choice, but that's MY choice. No one else has to agree with it. What I do with my body is MY business.) If you don't want to abort, please find a way to parent your child. I've had an abortion and yes, it's emotionally painful. But based on what I've read here (and other places) and what I know from being friends with adult adoptees, adoption is much, MUCH more painful as it is lifelong. And don't be sucked into the lie that is "open adoption." Open adoption is not legally enforceable, which means that if the adoptive parents choose to move away in the middle of the night and not inform you, there isn't a damn thing you can do about it.



Yes, you're young. Yes, you've got your hands full. But you CAN do this. Please don't relinquish your baby. You'll regret it every day for the rest of your life...and so will your child.

Answer 21

Wow, that is def a hard decision. I personally could never bring myself to get an abortion. Adoption is really hard as well. I mean you already know how attached you are to the child (in your case children) while they are in your belly. You didn't protect yourself from getting pregnant and what's meant to be is meant to be. In my opinion you should keep the child. It is not going to ruin your twins life either. There is no reason to kill the child you are carrying because if you were really worried about getting pregnant you would have used better protection. Good luck. Many women get pregnant while caring for twins. It's not impossible..

Answer 22

Neither, be a parent or if you must choose one or the other then abort. For what it's worth when my nan had twins she was already parenting a 4 year old and 2 year old - this was in 1934. She managed to cope with 4 children aged 4 and under.

Answer 23

Your husband is right. Have an abortion if you don't want this baby.



It's hard to imagine being adopted being worse than it already is, but having siblings who were kept while I was the one given away would be emotionally devastating.



I don't think you would have an easy time with it either. Every time you'd look at your twins, you would think of their little brother or sister that you gave away.



If you go through with the pregnancy, figure out a way to make it work..that's what parents do..they don't toss aside a baby because it's inconvenient.

Answer 24

I believe it is your choice, but that adoption is the MORAL choice, seeing as no death is involved. You'll have the satasfaction of knowing your child is alive and well, and you just made a family complete. With abortion, it's permenent death, no matter how much you regret it

Answer 25

Your husband is 100% correct when he says it would be very horrible to your baby to abandon him or her to adoption.



I'm going to just copy my answer to a previous question.



I would be devastated beyond words to learn my mother abandoned me to adoption when she had other children.



My mother had two children after me, and even that tears my heart out.



If you're pro-choice and view abortion as a viable option, my advice would be make an appointment as soon as possible.



Otherwise, keep your baby.



But please, whatever you do, don't abandon your baby to adoption.



Please review these sites. They will not be easy for you to read, but believe me, as difficult as it will be for you to review them, it's infinitely harder to live what is on these pages. Adoption will mean a lifetime of despair for you, your husband, your baby, as well as your kept children.





Keep Your Baby

http://www.keepyourbaby.com/



Birthmothers Info

http://www.birthmothers.info/



Exiled Mothers

http://www.exiledmothers.com/

Answer 26

i agree with you don't abort you could be giving a nice family your baby and yes it will be hard with twins but you can do it be strong for the baby growing inside you

lisa

if you need to talk please email

Answer 27

ok - i think your husband is an idiot first off... second off. adoption. i am adopted and i can assure you my life is not ruined. in fact, i have everyting that my birth parents couldn't have given me. I know this because my birth parents found me about 2 months ago. dont do abortion. that baby needs to have a chance to live. there are SO MANY loving couples our there dying for a child who are unable to help them. your husband should not judge when he has no idea what adoption is about. is he adopted? i doubt it. so tell him to shut it. dont abort it. please... adoption is the best for the child.... please. i promise you would be doing the right thing. you may be able to negotiate an open adoption... and as soon as the child turns 18, you can contact her or him. but please... your husband is a stupid idiot no offence.... he insults me by saying it will ruin the childs life.... my life is bette rbecause of it and it makes me who i am

Answer 28

There are times when abortion is the ultimate act of love and kindness. This world is a very hard place to bring up children.



That's my opinion.

Answer 29

I'm not personally opposed to abortion, but if you don't think you can bring yourself to do it, then don't. Adoption is in many cases the best option there is. If you abort, you may end up regretting it. It's your body, your uterus, YOU get to decide what to do with the kid. Don't let your husband make your mind up for you.



This is just my opinion though, and it ultimately comes down to you.



PS this section is swarming with bitter adoptees who are overly-emotionally involved and would rather you throw your baby in a trash can than put it up for adoption. Just ignore them...they don't know what they're talking about!



Good luck!

Answer 30

I personally could not put a baby up for adoption. I would be thinking about the child for the rest of my life. What are the parents like? What does he/she look like? , etc. With an abortion to me, its over and done with.

Answer 31

I don't think that you are going to get comments from anyone that is not emotional, when it comes to abortion/adoption. I will try and be as polite as I can with my answer. What do you think is best for your family? Does your husband consider what abortion could do to you? It is not just terminating a pregnancy, it takes the life of the child you are pregnant with. Granted adoption would not be easy either, but you would remember giving life to your child. You never know what may happen financially in nine months either, if you carry your child to term. You may be able to handle another child by then, who knows? Abortion is not the easy way out. You can have physical risks and also emotional and spiritual risks which last a long time. I know- I counseled women for over 10 years. It is not impossible to care for other children while pregnant. It is harder, but there are families that do it all the time. My opinion- carry your child to term, and then place for adoption if you still feel you cannot raise.Do you are your hubby know that your baby's heart beats at 3 weeks after conception?

Answer 32

I certainly think you should not let your husband push you into doing anything that you don´t want to do.

If it was my choice I would choose adoption as I dont agree with abortion.... and I dont know why your husband thinks adoption would ruin the childs life....theres plenty of people who were adopted by loving families and have never missed out on anything.

I think you should take time to yourself and see how you feel in a few weeks....it may seem impossible at the moment to have another baby but you may find yourself warming to the idea...I mean you are of course in shock right now so don´t make any rash decisions.

Good luck whatever you decide

Answer 33

If you give it up for adoption, at least it has a chance to have a life. And adopted children go to wonderful families who cannot have children of their own. You would be giving those people and your child the greatest gifts you possibly could. Adoption will not ruin your child's life. If you abort, you would be ending his/her life. And by the time you have a positive pregnancy test, the fetus has a heart beat. It will probably be hard to take care of the twins while pregnant, but I would rather do that and give my baby to a family who will love him/her than kill my child.

Answer 34

I know some one that cant have any more kid that would do any thing to help you out and adopting your baby and keep you updated if you want here is is her email if you want to talk [e-mail]

Answer 35

I am completely against abortion. I believe you are killing a baby. But that's my opinion you need to go by what is in your heart. If you feel like adoption is your only route do it. But there is help out there for parents and their kids. Raising kids is never easy no matter how many you have. Its not going to ruin your daughters lives if you give the baby up. Keep it open but better yet keep the baby. You can do it you're probably just emotionally drained from everything right now.

Answer 36

If you were the baby would you rather be killed before you could take your very first breath or be given to a family that couldn't have children?



It's up to you but if I were you I'd give it up let the baby bless someones life.

Answer 37

I can't say that I'm not emotionally involved, because I am - speaking as someone who was abandoned to adoption (and so am potentially what your future child could turn into if you abandon it to adoption), I can't help but be emotionally invoved...



EITHER PARENT OR ABORT!



DO NOT ABANDON YOUR CHILD TO ADOPTION!



Seriously.



If you know you don't want it now, then get an abortion before it's too late, because if you abandon it, you're screwing it up for life - and probably yourself too.



Go read http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2009/03/breaking-silence-on-living-pro-lifers.html - it's by someone who made both choices at different times in her life.



Please also read through many of the links and books listed at http://7rin-on-adoption.dreamwidth.org/tag/recommended+reading as well as reading back through some of the resolved posts in here.



ETA: Please also read http://www.margaretmahler.org/therapists/resources/papers/briefetazady.html

Answer 38

Adoption! It will get a chance at life !! I mean, i't didn't ask for you and your husband to make a bad mistake , so let the baby get a chance at growing up with a person/people who will love it and take care it.



please answer mine; https://answersrip.com/question/index?qid=20091205115808AA2TDMJ

Answer 39

abortion