How do adoptees feel about birth families searching for them?

Question

I've searched for my half-brother from my father's first marriage in vain the past few years.

My feelings on it are a bit mixed. For all I know he doesn't know he's adopted, he's dead, he's in prison, etc and who knows what I could be letting in my life. I don't expect to locate him and have a relationship unless he wants one because I'm a stranger to him. Posts I've seen online from so many adoptees have a broad mix of feelings about birth families searching for them or trying to connect. I really only want to know that he's had a good life and managed to thrive (no specifics unless he wants to provide them). Perhaps I'll never find him and I've come to terms with that.

So if you were adopted, how do you feel about your birth family trying to connect/search for you? Is my expectation of finding out if he's had a good life too intrusive ?

Answer 1

Most of them want a reunion with their natural families. Go for it!



Every body wants to know their origins. Even not adopted people do genealogy and stuff like that.

Answer 2

I think most adoptees have a desire to at least know their natural siblings are alright and well. Don't give up searching! I was adopted, and my brother was adopted into a different family. We had no idea of each others' first names (if they were still the same) or where the other went. Neither of us ever expected to meet each other, as our natural mother didn't know where either of us were.



When I started talking to my natural mother, she mentioned my brother and said that his name was changed by his adoptive family. One day while on Facebook I found someone with that name and just had a weird hunch. I messaged him asking him if he knew (insert mothers name here) and he replied asking me if I was his sister. We connected only intending to meet once and see how the other was and have resulted with a brother/sister relationship I don't think either of us thought we'd ever have.



I say keep searching. Be prepared that they might not want a relationship, but at the same time be prepared that they might. It's just something you have to do and play by ear.

Answer 3

I am adopted.

I loved it when my birth family searched for me.

My mother is also adopted and she does not know her birth family and she just sits there and wonders all the time.

I wonder strange simple things such as why do I do a particular thing a certain way and if my adoptive mother can not answer it it actually upsets me..its a weird emotion!

And there is no possible way you are adopted and dont know it so im sure he/she knows it so dont worry about that.

If he is in prison write him a letter! You dont have to let him in your life if you find out he is not a good person,having basic communication by mail,email facebook or whatever is not letting them in your life its simply being connected..in your life is hanging out of weekends and etc.

Just search for him curiosity should never be ignored.

Answer 4

I am adopted and i found my birth mother but because i was underage i could not maintain contact with her and i still have many unanwered questions in my head. I would say that if you had the chance then go for it because it could turn out very happy in the long turm. Good luck :)

Answer 5

I would think they would want to know who their birth parents are.my nephew is adopted.he is 22. i want to help my sister find him.we know where he is.but his adopted parents might of changed his last name.which makes it harder i heard to find him. but they can't change his birthday and where he was born.we will find him.he knows who his REAL mother is.and didn't want to go.its a long story.to long to explain.it's very heart breaking for us.we cry.all the time and think about him everyday.so i started searching online.i found a place called onmi.its a place that's helps people reunite with their families.i hope that they can find him so we can be reunited again and a family.

Answer 6

I found my son without actively searching. He had been searching for me for 5 years and found my family quite quickly. They chose to lie to him by saying they didn't know where I was and chose not to tell me he was searching for me. When I found my son he assumed I had been searching. Had I not found him my family would have continued to lie.



You don't know how your brother will feel so the worst that can happen is you find out he died followed by he doesn't want to have contact. The best you can hope for is he does. Whatever happens you get closure instead of always wondering so go for it.

Answer 7

When I was younger (under 12) I was terrified that some lady was going to show up and say that she was my "real" mom and I had to go with her. lol As I got older I didnt ever really think about it. I still dont really. Im just now really starting to think about searching.......and Im 42! lol

I,personally dont think I'd be comfortable with it, but thats just me.



OK let me edit here. I would like to know my sibs one day and would like for my son to find me...I just dont think its MY place to look for him. IM the one who gave him up. Again, thats just my weird brain. lol

Answer 8

i'd hate my birth parents less if they had bothered to actually look for me before i went about it. it would mean a lot, to him, i would imagine. then again everyone is different. i would have loved it anyway.

Answer 9

I would welcome any of my biological relatives with open arms.